


Evolving Self-Awareness

by YesBothWays



Series: The Body's Intelligence Could Rival The Mind's [2]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-04 16:26:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4144611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YesBothWays/pseuds/YesBothWays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Cosima and Delphine sleep together again after they get back together at Felix's place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Evolving Self-Awareness

            Cosima and Delphine spent most of the day working together in Delphine's apartment. Somehow, together like this and away from the lab, it didn't feel like work, even though it was a Saturday.

            When they needed a break, Cosima continued her way through a close inventory of Delphine's books. She tried to guess a lot of the titles or asked the names in horrible French that made Delphine laugh every time. Cosima would not believe at first that Delphine didn't own any movies and only a tiny collection of music on her computer. She kept asking and trying to nose around, as if searching out a secret stash someplace. The place was fairly Spartan, though, except for all the books and some nice foods.

            Cosima nudged Delphine until she took them a few blocks to get some Thai food for dinner. On their way back, Delphine reached and tentatively held Cosima's hand for a little part of the way. As they finished their walk back, Cosima wondered if she should ask Delphine if she wanted her to stay over.

            Cosima knew Delphine still wanted them to stay involved. They made out for probably an hour after Delphine said that their relationship could be whatever they wanted it to be. Cosima considered trying to seduce Delphine right there in Felix's bed, and maybe texting him a warning not to come back for a while. He probably wouldn't want to see his sister's body naked bad enough to stay out late. She thought she could apologize later. She felt too emotional, though, still. So they just kissed and held each other close, and Delphine finally left her with a gentle goodbye.

            Cosima felt certain, though, that Delphine wanted them to still be lovers. But for some reason, she just felt awkward about initiating it again. Probably because it was so messed up last time, even if it was also good.

            They brought the food back and sat at the empty island in the kitchen on stools and ate and closed shop on their thoughts for the day. They were starving, and they focused on the food for a while. The sun had just set when they finished.

            "You want me to go or stay?" Cosima offered lightly.

            "I'd like you to stay for a while," Delphine said.

            "Cool," Cosima said.

            "Want some wine or tea?" Delphine asked.

            "Do you have any red?" Cosima asked.

            "Yes," Delphine said.

            Delphine got a couple of glasses and poured them some fine, French wine, while Cosima intentionally overly pronounced the name on the label and made her laugh. They went and sat on the couch in Delphine's front room. Cosima sort of draped herself onto half the couch. Delphine tucked herself into a corner of it, folding her legs up like some kind of deer. Cosima turned away and took a drink at that, so she wouldn’t eye her too blatantly.

            They talked over small things for a little while. Cosima reached over across the back of the couch, and Delphine took her hand. They were settled in and felt fairly close now, and they sat quiet for a while.

            "Delphine," Cosima said. Delphine looked over and gave a sound to show that she was really listening. "Look, I'm… sorry about what I said before, about when we were together." Delphine knitted her brow, as she tried to think back. She clearly did not seem to understand what moment Cosima was referring to from this. Cosima moved herself around a bit to look at her more as she spoke. "When I said that thing about how I could tell you hadn't been with a woman before."

            Delphine remembered then, Cosima could see. That same look came over her, only now, it seemed less a defeated and more of a detached expression. She made a sort of shrug, as if none of it mattered in the least. Cosima felt her own brows tighten in response, as Delphine took a drink of her wine.

            "I was… freaking out," Cosima added. She felt embarrassed bringing it up now. Even then, she felt ashamed after she had said it. She usually didn't go for people's sexuality, obviously. She had sobbed then over how out of character she felt, how out of control of everything she had become. She wouldn't usually bring up sex stuff at all, even with her lovers.  

            "It's okay. I know I'm not very good," Delphine said. Cosima's eyebrow came up in surprise at this. "I am not very sensuous," Delphine explained. Cosima gave a huff of incredulity. "For a French woman," Delphine said. "I'm too analytical. My mother used to say I was cold like a Russian. My former lover used to say I was just more American."

            "That's all bullshit," Cosima said, genuinely, as she cocked her head to the side. Delphine laughed at her softly. She seemed surprised to hear her say this. "No, but seriously," Cosima said. "I was… just trying to make light of it all before, like, so it wasn't a big deal. To protect myself, you know." She saw Delphine's look soften at this. Delphine looked at Cosima's face with a quite sort of calm curiosity. "You're amazing," Cosima said. She reached to tug at the collar on Delphine's shirt as she said this. She knew the truth behind her feelings came through in her tone.   Delphine smiled more. Cosima couldn't tell how much she was really listening to all this.

            "I want you like crazy," Cosima said, and she gripped Delphine's shirt fully. She grinned and lifted one eyebrow, as she said it. Delphine laughed openly now. Cosima laughed just a bit with her, although there was a serious edge to all of this that she felt more profoundly.

            "I know what you mean," Delphine said, as she glanced over at Cosima almost shyly. Cosima leaned across to come closer to her. She put her hands on her arm and shoulder.

            Delphine touched Cosima's face, gently, as if tracing its shape. She seemed sad to Cosima, in some quiet and deep way. Cosima thought it might be something beyond their relationship, perhaps beyond all of this. She ran her fingers across Cosima's lips. When she finished the gesture, Cosima drew in close, so they could kiss.

            Their kisses started out slow, as they aligned their lips in several ways. Cosima felt Delphine's hands slide up her chest to hold her face, as they settled in along the line of her jaw. She pulled Cosima gently, as she opened her mouth against her own to draw her into a deep kiss. Cosima felt almost dizzied as she felt their tongues press against one another's.

            When their lips parted, Delphine held her face in her hands, as they sat still for a moment. Delphine touched Cosima's lips again with her fingertips, and then, to Cosima's surprise, she reached softly between her lips to touch the lip of her tongue. Cosima remembered vividly the last time they were together in her bed, and she wondered if Delphine were actually trying to evoke this in her mind. She lost all capacity for speech and rational thought for a moment.

            "Can I take you to my bed?" Delphine asked, as she ran the backs of her fingers over Cosima's cheek.

            "Um, yes," Cosima said definitively. She made Delphine grin with her eage tone, and she laughed in response. They kissed again several times.

            "Okay," Delphine said. She stood up. She put her hand to her stomach for a moment. Cosima stood up, and Delphine still stood by the couch, as if hesitant.

            "You know the way?" Cosima teased. Delphine reached to touch her arm. "Never taken a lady up to your room before?" Cosima said.  

            "I have never taken anyone up to my bed before," Delphine said. Cosima gave her a look to show that she didn't believe her. "I usually go to other people's houses. Then I can leave whenever I want."

            "Ah, so love 'em and lose 'em, is it?" Cosima teased. She moved in a bit towards Delphine. She pulled their hips closer to one another's. Delphine remained serious, so Cosima reformed her joke. "We could stay right here if you want," she said. She meant it, and she pulled Delphine into a kiss and held her close at the waist.

            "I want you to come up with me," Delphine said.

            "Okay," Cosima said, as she smiled in response to this. "And just know I can leave whenever you want. Just give me a nudge, okay?"

            Cosima stopped teasing, altogether, and waited for Delphine to lead. Delphine seemed to collect her thoughts for a long moment. Cosima got a felt sense of how different their relationship was for Delphine. Cosima's body was practically buzzing with excitement. She pressed at her own stomach and felt a tangle of excitement balled up there. This wasn't really totally usual for her, either.

            Delphine picked up her glass to finish the last of her wine, and then she took Cosima by the hand and led her up a small set of stairs to a loft. She clicked off the light at the base of the stairs and led Cosima up in the dim light of a lamp from across the room. Delphine left her at the top of the stairs and turned the lamp on the low table beside her bed.

            Cosima looked over Delphine's platform bed. She had a double bed with pale blue sheets and only one pillow on it. The comforter on top made it look thick and inviting. There were books stacked beside the bed up to the edge of the lampshade and in neat stacks on the floor underneath the bedside table. That was all. She really didn't bring anyone here, Cosima could tell. She felt her own breath already quickened, and she felt the unique intimacy of the situation make her heart beat somewhat. She seemed to be catching it a bit from Delphine, who no doubt brought her here against some degree of inhibition.

            Delphine pulled Cosima in close to her without any visible hesitation. She looked closely at Cosima's face and ran the backs of her fingers across her cheek, as if remembering Cosima fully before she kissed her again, now that they were up here. When they kissed, Cosima felt Delphine's hands run down along her back, as if tracing the line made by her spine. She felt an energy somewhat akin to a shiver run up her spine in response and send thrills through her body. 

            Cosima could feel already how different this was from their first time together. The strain of secrets and outside pressures wasn't there anymore. This was not a rush towards an almost reckless, felt sense of connection between the two of them. Delphine kissed Cosima this time, as she made to undress her. They moved more slowly, although their kisses became deep and almost rough. And Delphine seemed to keep a little more space between them this time, as if to see Cosima more. Somehow that space created more room for a felt sense of intimacy, more clarity around choice and a form of transparency about their desire.

            Delphine took off the dress Cosima was wearing. Cosima bent down to unzip her boots and slipped them off. Delphine knelt down in front of her then and drew off the tights she was wearing. She held onto her thighs, as she did, putting her hands on her bare skin once they were off. Cosima grew almost unsteady and braced her hand on Delphine's shoulder for a moment.

            When Delphine stood, she reached around her and drew Cosima's bra away. She leaned in close to kiss her shoulders. Then she stood back, as she held Cosima's hands for just a moment. Cosima stood still for a moment to allow Delphine to look over her body. Then she pulled her bracelets off and went and dropped them on the beside table. She kept her glasses on for now and came close to Delphine once more.

            Cosima swayed into Delphine, as Delphine ran her hands over Cosima's body and gently drew her closer. Cosima started to work at Delphine's clothes, and Delphine reached to help her get them off. Cosima stepped around behind her, as she removed her bra. She crossed one arm over the center of her chest to hold her shoulder, as she ran her other hand over her hip bone towards the center of her stomach. She kissed along the top of her shoulder blades, as Delphine leaned forward. She reached back behind her a moment to hold onto Cosima.

            Delphine turned around, then, and drew Cosima right against herself. Her movements seemed heavy with longing to Cosima, but she did not seem to hesitate this time. She embraced Cosima fully, as she wrapped her arms around her. They felt their bodies against one another and both seemed absorbed in the feel for a moment. They kissed for a long time, as they almost swayed in their embrace. Then Delphine drew back a little bit then and turned slightly towards the bed.

            Cosima decided to let go of her and climb right up into it. She lay near the middle and grinned up at Delphine eagerly. Delphine laughed at her softly. She crawled in, then, and came over top of her, all quite slowly. Cosima nearly lost her breath as she did, and drew Delphine to her gently, as they kissed again. She put her arms around Delphine's shoulders and held her close.

            They kissed until they were pressing hard against one another. Cosima felt that this now was how she had wanted it to be the first time when they were together. Delphine's hands ran across her skin, and the strange, almost sharp reality of her, revealed itself more clearly in Cosima's mind, even as overwhelming as it felt. The gravity her body held that seemed to pull at Cosima's took hold of them fully. Finally, Cosima felt she could not willingly wait anymore and turned them over. She moved the pillow behind Delphine's head once more and kissed her hard. She tried to keep it slow and let her hand run up Delphine's thigh. She felt Delphine bend her knee and press her leg against her side in response, which provoked her to move onward.

            Cosima watched Delphine's expression, as she reached in under the fabric of her underwear and ran her fingers, just once, across Delphine's body. Delphine made a slight sound at this, as she tried not to close her eyes. She tried not to lose eye contact as Cosima touched her. Cosima felt her own breath deepen and her throat shallow hard at this. Cosima followed her own impulse and brought her hand up to smell Delphine's scent. As she felt a flicker of that same timidity as before, on the street outside her apartment, she brought her fingers to her tongue and drew them slowly against one another to taste Delphine.

            Cosima felt her body shiver a bit, as the taste seemed to move through her. She took a deep breath and swallowed hard again. She kept still for a moment, as she watched Delphine's expression. She felt poised for a vicarious discomfort and wondered if she were being too cavalier about their love making. Delphine stared at Cosima's mouth for a long moment, then she drew her into a kiss. She pulled Cosima closer and kissed her harder, at the taste. Cosima felt her own heart beating wildly, now, and she tensed all over with passion. When they looked at one another a moment before kissing again, she felt her own jaw clench.

            She brought her leg between Delphine's and bent her knee. She held both her wrists and pressed them into the bed a moment. This might be a bit too aggressive, she thought. She tried to get a handle on herself, even though Delphine did not look unnerved. She seemed willing to surrender this time and much more able. She pressed up into Cosima's touch, even as she seemed to will herself to lay back and absorb the feel of it. Cosima kissed her again, as she gained her composure and her wits.

            "I want to go down on you, Delphine," Cosima said to her, quite openly, as she found her voice. She leaned in and kissed her neck and felt Delphine tip her chin up to expose her throat. She moved her mouth over to kiss her there. "Do you want me to?" Cosima asked her, and she licked the hollow at the base of Delphine's throat.

            "Yes," Delphine managed, even though she seemed to have lost her breath. Cosima felt the vibration of her voice against her mouth. She grew almost overcome for just a moment. Delphine shifted into her and pulled her into a kiss of such open passion that Cosima lost all her thoughts then. Their bodies seemed to move together for a time without any attempt, as they kissed each other over and over again.

            Cosima got her wits about her again. She pulled herself away, then, and put her glasses on the beside table. She drew the last of Delphine's clothes away. Then Cosima kissed her again and started to kiss her way down Delphine's body, neither hesitant nor in a rush. She kissed her breasts, kissed down her stomach. She kissed the place where her hip bones created a slope down between her legs. She kissed along the inside of Delphine's thigh, as she ran her hands over both of them.

            Delphine parted her legs, easily, when Cosima urged her gently to open them and ran her hands up the insides of her thighs. She touched her first and looked at her this time, before she brought her lips to Delphine's body. She let her hand rest low on Delphine's stomach. She felt one of Delphine's hands come over her own for a moment. Cosima focused entirely on Delphine's body, as she touched her in many different ways. She held her thigh, and she felt Delphine's legs begin to shake.

            Cosima glanced up over her to see her response. Delphine's back arched already, and she seemed completely lost in the feel of all this. Cosima could see that her shoulders trembled. The feel of Delphine as she became overwhelmed was different now, the kind of too much she liked to evoke in a person. Cosima entwined their fingers again, like she had the last time, and grasped her hand slow and hard. Delphine held her hand back, and Cosima pressed her mouth against her again.

            Cosima tried all the different ways to touch her that she could think up. She found her responsive to almost every touch tonight, though she found a few ways of touching her that seemed particularly to bring her pleasure. She marveled at how soft and strong Delphine's skin could feel both at once. And her taste made Cosima feel practically drugged. Delphine's taste reminded Cosima of both red wine and clove-spiced tea, but she herself even more drawn to this taste.  

            Cosima reached in carefully to touch her inside. She found her already remarkably open. Her body seemed less delicate to the touch than before. So Cosima pressed into her harder and filled her more. She tried to make it so that she was nearly overcome by the sensation caused by her touch without making it too much for her to tolerate.

            As Delphine clearly started to build up towards an orgasm, Cosima forgot about keeping it from being too much. She worked at her body, and she felt Delphine's hands grasping her shoulders, as she cried out now. She seemed to struggle to bring herself up fully, so she could find release.

            Cosima noticed the similarity this time as Delphine willed herself to come to a climax. She did not really relax and let it wash through her, as Cosima would have. She seemed to hold herself hard against it, to press herself onwards and hold herself there within the sensations in her body. And then she broke out into waves of pleasure that made her shake, even though she still held her body quite rigid. That was just the nature of how she experienced this, Cosima realized as she watched Delphine now.

            When Delphine finally allowed the tension to relax in her body, Cosima actually felt a sob rise up from her stomach, where she had her own hand held. She looked up and kept her palm pressed to her stomach to feel it, as she sensed Delphine's breath flutter. After only a moment, it passed. She pushed the tears away from her eyes and seemed composed again.

            Delphine reached down to draw Cosima up and into her arms again. Cosima leaned over first to wipe her mouth against the sheets. Delphine rubbed at the corners of her eyes once more, as Cosima came back up to her. When she finished, she reached out for Cosima. Cosima felt a flash of astonishment pass through her as Delphine pulled her down into an uninhibited kiss.

            Their mouths pressed deeply together, and Cosima felt almost drop into an altered state of consciousness for a moment. Cosima felt herself drawn into Delphine's body again, merely by their kiss, as she move her own tongue on Delphine's. After it, Cosima kissed the middle of Delphine's chest once, over her heart, where she thought her sobs had originated a moment before. She lay her head there for just a moment.

            "Let me take you now," Delphine said. Her voice came still slightly broken. Delphine pressed her hand into Cosima's shoulder. She shifted her body against the mattress.

            "There's no rush," Cosima said softly.

            Delphine shifted her body once more. Then she leaned up and drew Cosima into another kiss. She held her almost hard. Cosima practically fell into her own arm and braced herself up over Delphine. She was not actually certain she could handle Delphine's touch on her own body now, after what she just experienced. Cosima's own body felt charged and grown sensitive.

            Cosima found that she allowed herself to be turned over, however, when Delphine moved up and led her. She felt her own heart beat harder and her breath catch, as she must have imagined that Delphine was about to move to take her the same way she had the last time that they were together. She wanted to submit to whatever Delphine wanted with her, but she was overwhelmed at the idea of it being how it had been before.

            Delphine, however, grew gentle with her, right away. She kissed the palm of Cosima's hand, then she started on what was very clearly a plan to kiss Cosima's entire body. She held Cosima firmly in her hands, as she did, or else ran them over her. The tone she took was so unexpected that Cosima closed her eyes and stopped breathing at the start of it. She lay still and let her hand trail through Delphine's hair and across her shoulder.

            When Delphine kissed along the inside of her thigh, Cosima felt only barely conscious. She shifted then, as she realized Delphine's intent. Delphine placed her hand against Cosima's body, and she looked up at her a moment.

            "Mine will not be as good," Delphine said. Cosima laughed in dismissal of this comment. She reached down and drew Delphine up to her and into a deep kiss.

            As they kissed, Cosima tried to think of something to say. She found it difficult to form words in her mind and knew it would be more difficult to get them to form on her lips after. But then Delphine had moved down over her again and had already placed her mouth on Cosima's body. Cosima lost her will to regain an ability to speak or even breath for just a moment before she finally gasped a slow, deep breath.

            Cosima's mind grew so overwhelmed, she felt a little out of body for a moment. When she could actually feel Delphine's mouth against her, she could not decipher why or how it could possibly feel this way. She could only guess that there was something more than the sheer physicality of it, like her body wanted Delphine more than it wanted just about anything else in her life before this moment. The pleasure that came from her touch was almost shocking. Cosima held onto the edges of the pillow and tried to keep on breathing.

            Delphine moved her mouth against Cosima again and again. When she reached to press her fingers into her, the feel came through her so intensely that Cosima gasped. Delphine must have heard an edge a little to close to pain in her voice, because she grew incredibly gentle. Cosima felt her seek out the most sensitive place inside of her, right at once, almost as if she already knew it somehow, and start to press there in a steady rhythm.

            Cosima wasn’t sure whether to steady herself to keep going for a long while or let herself build up into a climax right away. She held onto Delphine's shoulder. She could have done either. Delphine seemed to want to keep her there at the moment, because she kept her movements gentle and steady. So Cosima made herself breath and shifted her hips very slightly to draw the feel of it all deep into herself. She heard herself moan, and her voice held a sort of shudder in it.

            Delphine must have read more in Cosima's body now than Cosima would have thought possible. She stretched this out and kept Cosima with her far longer than she would have imagined before that she could endure. Cosima grew so sensitive after tolerating her touch for a long time, that she felt herself almost taking in sensations that would usually have been involved only in her orgasm. They moved through her easily now, as if her body were open in some deep, unusual way.

            When she finally started to build, unavoidably, into a climax, Cosima took a deep breath and felt almost a little scared, as she anticipated how intense it would become. Delphine reached and gently drew her knees down, so Cosima would press her thighs in against Delphine's shoulders. That seemed to work somehow to make it all more tolerable. How Delphine knew to do this, Cosima could hardly begin to guess. Some kind of lover's intuition.

            Cosima felt her back arch forward, and she felt her body begin to quake in a manner that became almost violent. She felt a faint worry pass over her about her body's ability to tolerate all of this. Then she felt too drawn into it to care about anything else.

            Cosima cried out as waves of pleasure passed through her in what felt almost like a chain of orgasms that came one right after the other. She felt unsure when this would end, and she shuddered with her back arched forward and her hands holding onto Delphine, until she finally came down fully.

            Cosima lay back then, and for half a second, she thought that she herself might cry. She felt Delphine kissing her stomach, just above her hips. Cosima let both of her hands press into Delphine's hair, as she lay her head on her for a moment.

            They lay quietly together for a long time after this. Cosima had her breath back. Her body felt almost altered from the experience. She could feel now that she was deeply exhausted. She was not well, she realized again, quite suddenly. And this was part of how she felt. A rush of distress rose up inside of her chest. She found she had grown very emotional when Delphine came back up to lay alongside of her.

            Delphine looked over Cosima's body in silence. She reached and ran her hand over Cosima's body. When she touched Cosima's chest, a strong feeling almost like an echo passed through her. She shivered and felt frail, as if somehow she could feel the state of her body more vividly under Delphine's touch. And Delphine seemed able to read more from her body than Cosima would have thought possible.

            "You're not well," Delphine said. "We pushed you too far."

            "I'm okay," Cosima said and turned towards her.

            Cosima knew that Delphine was unconvinced. She was not quite sure that she was herself. Delphine touched her face. She leaned in after a time to kiss Cosima again. She was gentle now, though still her touch felt deeply passionate.

            "We can go more easy next time," Delphine said in a definitive tone. She pulled Cosima closer and ran her hand over her body, as she said this. Cosima thought perhaps she was trying to convince her, and she found that it had more or less worked.

            Cosima brought her hands, which she now felt had grown shaky, around to hold onto Delphine. They kissed then for a long while, until the rush of feelings that had overtaken Cosima and affected both of them seemed to fade out. They lay together quite still for a while.

            "Kick me out whenever you want," Cosima said casually. She felt Delphine's hand come up to touch her face again. She was quiet for a moment.

            "I never will," Delphine said.

            Cosima felt herself smile, almost against her own will. She had her face held in close to Delphine's body with her forehead almost resting against Delphine's shoulder. "But you know what?" Delphine said. Before Cosima could answer, Delphine said, "I am hungry again." Cosima laughed out loud at this. She rolled herself over after a few minutes.

            "I haven't scouted out this area yet," Cosima said. "But I'll pull us up a map." Cosima moved to the edge of the bed and ferreted her phone out of her dress pocket. As she leaned back, she propped herself over on one elbow to stay upright. She felt Delphine's hand reach over to rest on her thigh.


End file.
